Try the “Adding To” Method When Attempts to Give Up Something Fail

Human nature makes it hard for us to give up things long term. Sheer willpower can last only so long. You may be experiencing the evidence of that right now. That thing you gave up in January probably snuck back into your life.

Instead of “giving up” could the answer be found in “adding to”?

Name something you’ve been unable to give up long term.

sugar
alcohol
smoking
toxic relationships
social media
negative self talk
lying
overspending

I named a few common ones. You pick what resonates for you.

If trying to give them up hasn’t worked, let’s take a new (old) approach.

There’s a concept in yoga philosophy of the Yamas. There are 5 Yamas and they’re typically described in the language of non-doing

Ahimsa or non-harming
Satya or non-lying
Asteya or non-stealing
Brahmacharya or non-overindulgence of the senses
Aparigraha or non-hoarding/non-greed

In the yogic tradition, all the emphasis is not placed on abstinence. Yogi wisdom understands that, as humans, we’re sometimes going to tell a lie or take more than our share. And overindulgence? It’s a way of life for some.

By phrasing the Yamas as they do, it’s like sneaking the new habit through the back door while the ego is guarding the front door.

How can you root out the behaviors you no longer want in your life?

Try adding to.

By phrasing the Yamas as they do, it’s like sneaking the new habit through the back door while the ego is guarding the front door.

If you’re trying to give up sugar, add one more healthy snack or one more glass of water.

If you’re trying to give up alcohol, add one more sober friend.

If you’re trying to give up smoking, add one more meditation or exercise session to your day.

If you’re trying to give up toxic relationships, add screening your calls.

If you’re trying to give up social media, add one more book to your evening routine.

If you’re trying to give up negative self talk, add one more self recognition and credit for a job well done.

If you’re trying to give up lying, add one more truth.

If you’re trying to give up overspending add one more savings deposit.

It’s exciting and empowering to add something new.

It’s natural to dig in your heels and resist when you’re told you can’t have or do something. It’s also natural to get excited and feel empowered by adding something new.

Personal growth will follow. Try reaching your goals by adding to and see where it gets you.

Finally, remember that change happens gradually over time. You’ll move forward one day and backward another. That’s normal.