Inner Conflicts are Keeping You Stuck in Life
Inner conflicts are keeping you stuck in life, and resolving them is key to getting a happy, healthy life back and creating the life of your dreams.
Inner conflicts paralyze you.
You think you made up your mind, only to change it later in the day.
Your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another.
You spin in circles because you can’t figure out the next right move.
Short story is, nothing gets done and nothing changes. Sometimes this goes on for years, decades or even a lifetime.
For over ten years, a friend of mine complained about wanting to get out of his relationship. He kept threatening his partner that if things don’t change, he was going to leave. For at least 10 years he made that threat! (I’ve known him for 10 years, so it’s possible he felt this way even earlier.) He confided that he wanted to leave, but….then he would list half a dozen conflicting feelings. That’s paralysis from inner conflict.
When I work with a client, I don’t judge what the right or wrong choice is. We reconcile conflicting thoughts, and that gives the client the clarity and freedom to decide what’s best on their own.
Conflicting thought or limiting belief?
You can identify conflicting thoughts by the language you use to describe them:
“Part of me wants to go back to school, but part of me doesn’t want to take on any debt.”
“Part of me wants to start a family, but part of me is afraid I’m not ready.”
“Part of me wants to eat healthier, but part of me doesn’t want to give up snacking.”
Inner conflict is described as “parts”. Or you might say, “on the one hand…but on the other…”.
Parts can feel like 2 individual people who disagree.
Limiting beliefs are absolutes:
“I can’t go back to school without going broke.”
“I’ll never be ready to start a family.”
“I can’t give up chips.”
Both are roadblocks in your life, and I treat them with different techniques, but most importantly, we need to clear them for you to move forward in life and be truly happy.
One part took on a life of its own.
At some point, a conflicting thought developed, and it took on an identity of its own.
The conflicting part became at odds with other parts of you.
Yes, we’re all made of parts. Part of you is serious and part of you is silly. Part of you is motivated and part of you is lazy. Part of you is confident and part of you is unsure. Part of you wants security and part of you wants adventure.
Over time, the parts become entrenched, and it’s even harder to get anything done. (think modern day politics)
Resolving your inner conflicts gives you freedom.
You don’t have freedom to choose or make decisions when you feel conflicted. Instead, you’re tossed about like a cork on the ocean.
Imagine the sense of lightness and confidence you’d feel if the nagging conflicts faded away.
After inner conflicts are resolved in clients, the feelings of relief are strong. I can see an invisible weight lifted off people.
On top of that, there’s great spillover effect. Personally, whenever I clear up one area of inner conflict, several other small and pesky conflicts dissolve as well. It’s just suddenly easier to make decisions in many areas.
How can we get parts to reconcile?
The key is recognizing that the parts are motivated by the same core intention.
When we drill down and explore the purpose and intention of each part, we eventually get to a common denominator.
The common denominator is usually a basic human need:
…to keep me safe
…to feel loved
…to be authentic
…to fulfill my purpose
…to be happy
In NLP we go through a specific exercise to get to that core intention and then we integrate the parts and return them to the whole.
Integrating the parts is a return to wholeness.
All your parts have your best interest in mind, they just go about things differently.
When the conflicting parts are resolved, everyone on the boat is rowing in the same direction.
Your inner parts are a team again instead of adversaries.
You can imagine, teamwork gets you farther and it feels a lot better.